Class: 10
Target: to continue acquaintance with the professions "teacher", "psychologist" and others, their features; rally the student body; create conditions for the realization of their creative abilities, the manifestation of independence.
Equipment: a stand in the form of a starry sky, 2 sheets of yellow paper for stars, balloons, badges, a tape recorder, attributes for the costumes of the god of science Logos, Mnemosyne, Psyche.
Participants: students in grades 10-11, students, graduates, administration, parents.
Presenter: Good evening, dear children and distinguished guests! Every year in the autumn it becomes especially festive and fun in the CPC, because in all specialties there is a holiday, which this year turns 10 years old. It has already become a tradition to dedicate 10th graders to their chosen specialties. Specialties that will help many to decide on their future in life. Each issue was something significant: the guys participated in competitions, olympiads, research societies - city, republican, international. Leaving, they left their mark - in the form of a star in the sky (the sky with 10 stars).
And today is an unusual day for astronomers. We are waiting for the emergence of new stars.
1 student: A cluster of stars forms a galaxy, and today new stars will appear in the Galaxy.
2 student: Becoming a new star is not easy, you need to go through unusual tests in order to better know your qualities, abilities, behavior.
Presenter: The first test "Symbol of a new star."
Each constellation or star used to be denoted by some symbol or pattern. And now we will draw this symbol. For this, both headmen of the groups come out, and the groups will help them pass the tests. They will draw stars in turn, blindfolded, and their groups will prompt in chorus (the elders are blindfolded, on a sheet attached to the board they draw a star with a felt-tip pen, and the group suggests the direction of movement of the marker to get the shape of a space star; the elders remove the bandages and cut out contours of the resulting stars).
Presenter: Well, the first test is over, the symbols of the stars are ready, but so far they cannot light up in the sky, since not all tests have been passed.
1 student: We talked about the fact that previous students in the specialty “psychological and pedagogical training” were very talented and showed themselves from different sides.
2 student: Let's see what the current contenders for the stars are capable of. And they will be the first to demonstrate their abilities ...
Presenter: Well done, and they coped with this test. But this is not the last test. And now, I invite you to take part in the game “The Most, the Most”. It is associated with professions, including those that are on the IASC. I will give a brief description of the profession, and you try to understand what kind of profession we are talking about.
The game "The most, the most"
- The most hairy……………………………………………………… hairdresser
- The most edible and delicious ………………………………………… chef
- The most romantic and dangerous……………………………………… driver
- The most merciful…………………………………………………… nurse
- The most humane………………………………………………………… psychologists
- The youngest, it is also called the profession of eternal youth………teachers
- The biggest lovers of “fried”……………................................. journalists
- The biggest lovers always be in the spotlight………art (actors, artists)
- The biggest connoisseurs of the correct and delicious recipe for making coffee for the boss
- The most extravagant connoisseurs of the human body………………….seamstresses
- The most sophisticated conjurers and illusionists…………………...… accountants
- The most inconspicuous plunderers of children's souls…………. ....................... caregivers
- The most advanced in all directions, but not in one of them specifically…………computer operators
1 student: In the old days it was customary to compose a song in honor of an event, let's not deviate from this tradition, we will compose and sing a song ourselves. Several people are invited to help me sing the song. Perhaps you have forgotten the words, but I will help you compose and sing. This is a song based on the tune of a well-known children's song, and so I sing with words, and you help me sing in the right place only with vowels (give out a few sheets of paper).
Song "Clouds"
Clouds are white-maned horses.
Clouds that you rush without looking back?
Tell us, please, clouds!
Take us for a ride, please, clouds!
Oaa-eoy ye oai
Ooo, oh ee oyai?
A ai ah, oawya, oah,
Oaah, oah, oah!
2 student: It was not an easy test, but now the real song is performed by ... .
Presenter: At our “Initiation into the Profession”, there are guys who studied in this office a year ago and dreamed that they would soon become adults, become real teachers and psychologists, and they succeeded. And how - they will tell themselves.
And so, the floor is given to first-year students of PSU named after T.G. Shevchenko Faculty of Pedagogy and Psychology (performance and presentation of badges).
Presenter: Probably, you sincerely envy them, they have found their place in life. And now we will find out what the stars say about your future. The German astrologer R. Bosle conducted a study not only according to the horoscope, but also sociological, and tried to analyze a person's innate predisposition to types of professional activity.
Be careful: I will ask the girls who were born under the sign of Taurus to stand up (from April 21 to May 20); girls born under the sign of Scorpio (October 24 - November 22); young men born under the sign of Virgo (from August 24 to September 23). (Rise).
All who have now risen are those who, as they say, are destined to be psychologists, if you follow the advice of an astrologer, because. it is you who have a natural combination of knowledge, experience, intuition, which is typical for a psychologist.
I ask those who did not get into the number of psychologists according to the horoscope not to be upset, you will still have a great opportunity to prove what you are capable of.
2 student: We are very lucky: our specialty celebrates its professional holiday twice - Psychologist's Day - November 22 and Teacher's Day - the first Sunday of October. Let's see together a family scene from the life of a teacher, which was prepared by the guys in grade 11. Scene (table, chair, Othello is sitting, Desdemona is entering).
Othello: (rushes to her)
I hear steps. Finally at home
My wife. And cook me dinner.
I'm hungry as hell, Desdemona!
Desdemona: Othello, I don't have lunch.
I'm really not in the mood for jokes, dear,
Our refrigerator has been empty for a long time!
I'm just dying of hunger...
Desdemona: But I was working, not going to the movies!
What's in your bag? Notebooks again!
Did you bring it home? Woe to me!
Desdemona:
With your nerves, I look not all right,
You even screamed more than once in your sleep. (sits down to check notebooks)
Listen, Desdemona, really
Wouldn't it be nice to have a bite to eat now!
Desdemona:
Othello! We already ate today!
And even harmful to eat at such a late hour.
But if you really want, you can, dear,
Fry an egg, just by yourself.
Don't distract me, please, my love!
There are three eggs left, and that's enough for us.
Othello: What three? I ate two yesterday.
Desdemona: Well, okay. Fire yourself one.
Othello: But the refrigerator is empty!
Desdemona: But I don't know where it could suddenly disappear to?!
Listen, I have a job too,
But nothing comes to my mind from hunger!
Desdemona:
Oh, dear, well, think of something right ... ..
Take lessons! And the hunger will disappear.
My hunger is insatiable. Really
How hard is it for you to go to the store?
Desdemona:
I thought I'd come by at the end of the week
But you could buy something yourself!
You're bothering me, honey. By the way,
So little time left, dear
I will be on duty at school until the night:
My class is walking at the disco.
What disco?! What jokes?
Our family is about to collapse!
Desdemona:
Oh, you know, not a minute left
There, waiting for me already, go, my class.
Like hell from incense, you run away from home.
Your job is more important than your family.
Have you prayed for Desdemona's night?
Die, unfortunate! Die, my love! (tries to choke) leave.
Presenter: Many poems and songs have been composed about this difficult, irreplaceable profession, one of them will be performed by a student of grade 11 ....
Song to the motive "I can not do otherwise."
I go to school in the morning again
I hide the textbook in my bag.
I will find everything for work,
I can't help it.
Scissors, thread, buttons, glue,
Bandage, valerian, plaster.
Those - calm down, that - sew.
I am a teacher and pastor.
Evening has come - I'm going home.
Silently I hide fatigue.
I will find business at home -
I can't help it.
At night I watch dreams about school,
If the son does not cry.
In the morning I cook dinner for the family -
I can't help it.
And so I work day after day,
I carry my cross like a banner.
My school is my second home -
My heart is not a stone.
2 student: Already in the fifth year, students are studying who are now in practice with us, and they will now tell you more about the profession of a psychologist. (The poem “My profession is a psychologist”)
I drop the canopy from the sun,
I start my morning here.
My profession is a psychologist...
... Or is it a calling?
I'm talking revelation here
I don't rush here.
My profession is trust
My calling is soul.
Faith sings in the eyes opposite
Ile waiting for her.
My profession is a measure.
She is my calling.
I measure the distance
Patience, search, struggle,
My profession is confession
My calling is the path to myself.
Everything in it is seriousness and irony,
Peaks triumph, play of shadows.
My profession is harmony
My calling is loyalty to her.
(A story about why they chose the specialty of a teacher-psychologist, they hand out memos).
1 student: Today we learned a lot about two wonderful professions. The people who elected them are worthy of respect, they are brave people, brave, whose main qualities are love for children, empathy - the ability to sympathize and empathize, tolerance - the ability to endure, and many others.
Dedicates her dance to people of these professions and students of groups of psychological and pedagogical training ...
(At this time, the leading students change into the costume of the god Logos and Mnemosyne.)
Presenter: And now the most solemn and crucial moment has come, another test without which no Initiation can do - this is the oath of students to the god of science Logos and the goddess of memory Mnemosyne. For the oath, I ask everyone to stand up and repeat only the word I swear.
Logos: Children of Science!
Future teachers and psychologists!
I command you to take an oath!
Joining the ranks of students of psychological and pedagogical training of the IAPC, in the face of teachers, friends and guests, we solemnly swear:
Study in good faith, follow the rules and requirements, proudly and honestly carry the title of a student of psychological and pedagogical training! We swear!
All: We swear!
Logos: We swear to respect teachers, our comrades, to treat the duties of students with dignity!
All: We swear!
Logos: We swear to strive to multiply the glorious traditions of the interschool educational and production complex and psychological and pedagogical training, to actively participate in their daily life!
All: We swear!
(Mnemosyne comes out - the goddess of memory)
Mnemosyne: Allow me, dear Logos, wise with the experience of teaching this ancient science, to complete the oath!
Do not dirty diaries with deuces! We swear to never part with books and give up cheat sheets!
All: We swear!
Mnemosyne:
And on the exam, what you forgot - remember!
Everything you didn't know - find out!
What has not been achieved - to achieve.
And become the best students of the best universities,
To carry the honest and good name of the IAPC. We swear!
All: We swear!
Presenter: I told you the legend about the girl Psyche - the symbol of the soul of a butterfly, and now, I want her to touch you, your soul and give birth to the most better feelings so that she gives you her inspiration, her desire to learn as much as possible, to get as much knowledge as possible. Substitute your palms, let the fire of her soul warm your souls (music). Valeria painted her soul in the form of a young, beautiful girl. And from this fire, new stars will light up in the sky (hang the stars). Perhaps they will leave an invisible mark on your soul. Poem "Next".
And you, entering any house,
And yellow and blue
Climbing steep stairs
Apartments flooded with light
Listening to the sound of the keys
Tell me, what mark will you leave?
A trace to wipe the parquet
And looked askance after?
Or an invisible, lasting trace
In someone else's soul for many years.
Presenter: I congratulate you on becoming full-fledged students in the specialty “Psychological and Pedagogical Training”, you have successfully passed all the tests. But interesting events are waiting for you, interesting life, the main thing is that you do not lose faith in yourself, in your strength, so that you show your best qualities and made new ones, found new friends and learned a lot of new things. I want to tell you one parable.
A long time ago, there lived a man in the world. He had long gray hair and a beard. Therefore, many thought that he was old and wise. Others saw the mischievous sparkle in his eyes and saw that he was young. This man was able to do what others could not. And people called him a sage. No one knew where he came from, but they said that before he was an ordinary person, like everyone else.
Generations changed, but the sage lived among people, and they felt themselves under his protection. And then the day came when the sage set off on his journey. He traveled all over the earth and recognized many people. And the sage was surprised. How different were these people, their characters, habits, desires and aspirations.
“How can it not be easy for everyone to get along with each other,” thought the sage, “in order to undertake such a thing?” he thought.
And then the sage wove the thinnest long thread. He planned to bypass kind-hearted people and tie them with this finest wonderful thread (further telling the story, go around each student, putting the thread into his hands).
Indeed, this thread was unique. Smooth, thin, it was completely invisible to a person, but, despite this, it influenced his relationships with other people. Those to whom the sage gave the wonderful thread became kinder, calmer, more patient. They began to treat each other more attentively, sought to understand the feelings and thoughts of their neighbor. Sometimes they quarreled, and the thread broke, but upon reconciliation, the broken ends of the thread were tied again, only the knot reminded of the last quarrel.
What did people do with the sage's gift? Someone carefully shored passing the secret from generation to generation. Someone, not feeling the presence of the thread, left a lot of knots on it, and his character gradually changed and became “knotty”. But most importantly, everyone had the ability to stretch invisible threads to those whom he considered close and friends (on the last student, cut the thread from the skein and tie the ends to form a vicious circle). Look, our thread has formed a cobweb, communicating on the IASC, we are stretching invisible threads to each other, and here we have many friends and teachers. These threads entwine all of us, like a thin cobweb that can break, so it is important to be able to communicate with each other, while showing attention, care and being very careful.
I want this thread - the cobweb to become stronger, so that it will firmly bind you not only for two years of study, but that we will meet in the future, and for this I will tie a knot as a keepsake.
1 student: I give the floor to the director of the IAPC (speech and presentation of the key of knowledge).
2 student: I give the floor to the deputy director for educational work (parting words).
Presenter: The word for congratulations is given to parents (speech).
Presenter: Students of the 11th grade in the specialty “Psychological and Pedagogical Training” also congratulated you with me, from them the song “We wish you happiness” was presented to you.
Mini scene for students
middle management
"What is psychology"
"What is psychology"
Leader (psychologist): Guys, today we will get to know each other better and find out what such an amazing science as psychology studies.
Learner:
Different people live on the planet
And they are all lovely and good.
Because everyone has
The secret of his human soul.
Learner:
Man is a great miracle
It has been studied for a long time.
Philosophers, writers, poets
So we didn't fully recognize him.
Learner:
Even ancient people thought, guessed
Where is the human soul?
And where did they put her?
But she is undecipherable.
Learner:
The only thing that man could comprehend
Only the soul gives him the opportunity
Move, see, hear and speak.
Learner:
Where did the word "psychology" come from? To explain its origin, it is necessary to turn to Greek mythology.
Leader (psychologist):
Once, the son of the goddess Aphrodite, Eros, fell in love with a very beautiful young girl, Psyche, and made her his wife. But she was a mere mortal, and Aphrodite became angry, viciously pursued Psyche, forced her to undergo many trials. But Psyche's love was so strong, and her desire to meet Eros again was so great that the forces of nature came to her aid. Psyche fulfilled all the requirements of Aphrodite. Eros begged Zeus - the supreme deity of the Greeks - to help, and Zeus granted Psyche immortality, united the lovers.
Learner: Psyche in Greek mythology became the personification of the soul, looking for its ideal. The word "psychology" is formed from the Greek words "psyche" - soul, "logos" - science.
Learner: The science of the soul - such a definition was first given more than 2 thousand years ago. People who practice psychology are called psychologists.
Learner:
Psychology is an amazing science
And very instructive.
Studying the human soul
Many of her:
Psychology will help you
Know yourself better
And answer questions
Who? And what am I?
Presenter (psychologist): Thanks to psychology, one can learn how a person turns from a newborn helpless baby into a reasonable and mature person. She will tell you how we know the world around us. This opportunity is given to us by cognitive processes.
Student: These include: sensations, perception, attention, imagination, memory and thinking.
Learner:
When a student turns around in class,
He does not hear the teacher, he is a spoiler.
It's not in vain that they talk about this,
He has no attention, friends.
Student: In order to study well in the classroom, you need to be attentive, have a good memory.
Student: And now let's look around - how many adults and peers are nearby! All of them different ages, growth, with different eye color and character. How to learn to successfully communicate with them?
Student: How do people communicate? How do we perceive each other? How to find out the character of a person by gestures, facial expressions, intonation of speech?
Student: All these questions are also answered by the science of psychology. Many more secrets of the human soul are to be studied by this amazing science.
Leader (psychologist):
Friends, today you learned only a part of what
What is the primary study of psychology?
You can get to know a person better
When you start reading psychology.
Moderator: Dear guests! Today you are all about a big pull, you will undergo a medical examination completely free of charge. You will be checked by the most highly qualified doctor, whose reception...
The doctor enters in a dressing gown and cap.
- Hello, guests! Please prepare your hearts for the medical examination.
(Approaches everyone, listening to the heart with a phonendoscope,) says:
1. Absolutely healthy.
2. Let me hear what you have on
heart? Diagnosis - easy love!
3. WHAT IS YOUR HEART SINGING ABOUT, CAN YOU LISTEN?
So, the diagnosis is clear - it means 100 grams of vodka every half an hour
for tonight. By the end of the anniversary, the wound will heal itself.
4. Young man, say A-A-A.
Enough. We write: confuses day with night. No big deal half
our population lives quietly with such a diagnosis.
5. But, and you dear, than us
please? All clear. She is sleeping!
6. And you, father, why are you so sad?
Write. Depression.
8 And who are you, can I listen? Overpriced
self-esteem. Nothing can be done about it.
9. Well, your heart will definitely introduce you to us,
Who are you, what is your last name? Persecution mania...
10. You sigh throughout the physical. Did you eat today
anything, how do you generally eat?
11. Here is your heart, it seems that it will jump out of
an overabundance of feelings. Do you really want to say something? Well done.
12 Your heart, it seems to me,
worries about the gifts that you gave to the hero of the day today? Better listen
heart, it will tell the truth.
(suitable for the hero of the day)
Say, THE ANNIVERSARY WILL END, Everyone will go home and in the evening you will alone say the words to your wife that are in your heart.
Can we listen too? .
So, I checked all the guests, the diagnosis is clear for everyone:
1 Chronic jubilism.
2 Butylism
3 Dancelite
4 Overeating
5 Retostite
6 Acute drunkenness
7 Hangover syndrome
8 Acute drink failure
I urgently prescribe a potion for everyone: White, Red, Dry!
Also passed medical checkup and our dear hero of the day!
He is issued a HEALTH CERTIFICATE OF THE Jubilee.
our council of relatives and friends who came to the anniversary.
Having examined the hero of the day: ear, throat, nose, liver, heart, kidney, spleen.
Taking the gyrus depth and intestine length,
The conclusion was drawn like this - our young hero of the day.
The cardiogram says, the heart beats without flaw.
According to a blood test, he is fit for fiery love.
And like a glass of urine, it does not hit the head
Yes, and in the lower floor, when viewed from below,
Everything is in openwork, everything is in order, only smeared heels,
Well, yes, it doesn’t matter, he always runs a lot.
And the tongue of the hero of the day is not worn out, there are no extra wrinkles on his face.
Normally, the brain, digestion, only the channel of childbirth is blocked,
Well, it doesn't matter, he always wants sex.
And physically can work up to a sweat.
We make a conclusion - does not need treatment.
Just to rest.
And with the guests a little bit,
For health take
Grams 100, 125!
Jokes about psychologists came to us from countries Western Europe and USA. It is there that people go to an appointment with a psychologist, as if they were at home. IN Lately psychologists have also launched active work here, so jokes about psychologists happen too. For example, without psychological counseling and testing, you will no longer get a job.
In the plot about psychologists, clients are most often made fun of, but sometimes the specialists themselves look very funny. As they say, with whom you will lead, from that you will type.
But there are people who do not have mental problems. just describe a completely different, but no less fun profession.
Two psychologists are talking.
- How are you?
- Yes, everything is fine, but only the Freudian slips completely tortured me. Yesterday, for example, in the evening we were sitting, having dinner with my wife, I wanted to say: "Sunny, give me some bread, please ..." But it escaped: "You ruined my whole life, you bastard!"
Two psychologists meet
- You're all right. How about me?
The psychologist asks the girl to draw a picture - summer!
The girl draws - snowdrifts, a figure in felt boots, a sheepskin coat and a hat with earflaps on skis ...
Psychologist: I asked you to draw summer!
Girl: Well!
Psychologist: Well, what kind of summer is this? look - snow, skis, winter clothes!
Girl: (looking sadly at her uncle) - This is the summer we have in Siberia.
Two Finnish psychologists are watching two moose that have been standing motionless for the second day by the river on the border of Finland. Suddenly one elk waved its tail - to drive away mosquitoes.
One psychologist to another:
- You've seen!! The one on the left is kind of nervous today!
Psychologists have found that orange releases emotions, raises self-esteem and is an excellent antidepressant. By the way, the denomination of 5000 rubles also has the same properties.
Patient:
- Tell me, how long can I tell everything that comes to mind?
Psychologist:
- Speak, speak, - time - money.
A man trembling with fear comes to a psychologist. The psychotherapist listened to him and said: "I'll have to work with you." The man shook even more in fear.
Psychologist:
- Drink 100 grams for courage.
The man drank and sat down.
- Nu that, dared?
- Not yet.
- Well, let's have another glass! Now what?
- Yes, also.
And so four times. Psychologist after a while:
- Nu that dared?!
“Now let someone try to get into my soul!”
Two psychologists meet
- Yes, life has knocked me down - I have not drunk for five years, I do not smoke, I do not eat fatty foods. And how are you?
- And I'm better!
- What do you have?
Same thing, only two years!
The psychologist died of boredom right in his chair at the workplace, but managed to see three more patients before they noticed it.
At the reception with a family psychologist:
- Let's do a test: imagine you are sitting in an armchair after a hard day, relaxing, reading a newspaper. Suddenly, outside the front door, you hear the voice of your wife, and at the same time, behind the back door, you hear the barking of your dog.
Who will you let into the house first?
- A dog, of course.
- Why?
She will stop barking when she enters.
I'm afraid that I'm losing my wife, - the man complains to the psychologist.
- Is she avoiding you? he asks.
- No, absolutely not, - the man answers, - she meets me at the door when I come home. My shirts are always carefully pressed, she cooks well, the house is always clean. She even lets me watch all my programs on TV.
- So what's the problem?
“Perhaps I am too sensitive,” the man says, “but in the evening, when I go to bed, and my wife is sure that I fell asleep, she often whispers in my ear: “God, when will you finally die!”
At the psychologist's office:
- Doctor, why do you have slippers on the table?
- You see, many of my patients have such cockroaches in their heads.
A man lies on the couch of a very famous psychologist and talks endlessly about his failures in life, in all areas and of various kinds. He is trying to prove that there has never been and never will be a bigger loser than him, that he is the most notorious, the most hopeless loser on the entire globe.
The psychologist listens to him without interrupting as long as he can still bear his speech, then interrupts in mid-sentence and exclaims: "Stop spouting all this nonsense! You can't be such a loser!"
"Why?" the patient asks.
To which the psychologist replies: "If you were a failure, you could not afford to pay for my services! If you can shell out that amount every year - and I am the most expensive psychologist in the world - how can you consider yourself a failure?"
A female psychologist returns from work.
In a dark park, she is attacked by a gang of thugs who beat her, take away her money, jewelry, and quickly run away. She rises from the ground and says after them:
"Wow, so young, and already so many problems!"
Two friends are talking.
- Look, you won't advise me a good psychologist?
- Go to the Internet, there are about 50,000 practicing psychologists with complete information about them. And what do you need?
- To me? I need a single one.
The psychologist wakes up at four o'clock in the morning.
- How much does a home visit cost?
- 100 dollars.
What about the reception at the office?
- 60 dollars.
- Then I'll see you in the office in half an hour.
Psychologists say that for a good mood, you need to hug 8 people daily. Well, or give one in the face.
A married couple came to the psychologist.
You see, says the husband, we cannot afford the luxury of visiting you alone. Tell me, please, what would be cheaper to cure: my wife's feeling of superiority or my inferiority complex?
One psychologist asks another:
“Listen, old chap, why do you always ask patients what they had for lunch?
- According to their menu, I am guided by how much to take for an appointment.
The psychologist asks:
- Do you smoke?
The patient responds:
- No.
- Are you drinking?
- No.
Then the psychologist says:
- No need to grin like that, I still find something!
A man comes to a psychologist. He has a sock pulled over his fist. He sits down and says sadly:
- Doctor, I have a sock on my fist, it bothers me ...
- Well, take it off, if it bothers ...
He takes off his sock - and joyfully nodding his head, they say, thank you, doctor, goes out the door.
The psychologist sits and stares blankly at the door for half a minute. Then he can’t stand it, jumps up, tears his shirt and, overturning the table, shouts:
- Got psychos!
A client comes to a psychologist:
- I'm bad, my whole life fell apart! The wife left for another, the car was stolen, the collapse of the business, the loss of friends, health problems ...
- And you write a note “it won’t always be like this”, multiply it and distribute it throughout the apartment. Let these notes be with you everywhere.
Several years have passed, the same client comes to the specialist:
Doc, you helped me so much! I met a wonderful woman, my business improved, my health improved, I bought an even cooler car, my friends appeared even better ....
The psychologist listened seriously and said:
- Yes, but do not throw away the notes!
After a visit to a psychologist:
- I was forbidden to smoke and worry. But how can I not worry if I can't smoke!
The client comes to the psychologist. The psychologist kindly says: "Please sit down and tell me about all your worries."
- Oh, you are my last hope. Loan me 500 rubles until payday.
A movie star comes to a psychologist:
- I was advised to apply to you to perform a test on my acting skills.
- I do not see the need for this - I saw your last film.
Lately I've been having fits of unreasonable anger. I should probably find some good psychologist and beat him half to death.
Four o'clock in the morning... It is the fifth hour of telephone counseling in connection with a client's family problem.
Psychologist:
- Tell me, have you thought about suicide?
- No, but what?
- And you think, think!
I need your help, - the patient addresses the psychologist.
- What is your occupation?
- I am a psychologist.
So try to help yourself!
- You see, I charge too much for the reception.
The psychologist got a job in technical support. Call.
Hello, is this support?
- Yes, how can I help?
- You see, I wanted to print a document from Word ...
Yes, yes, very interesting...
- But the printer does not print!
- As I understand you...
- And what should I do now?
- Do you want to talk about it?
“Uh… actually, I just want to print the document…”
- Certainly! This is a completely normal and natural desire! And don't hold back!
- But I can't! Can you help me?
You just don't believe in yourself. I know that you will succeed! I believe in you! Do not give up, do not retreat in the face of difficulties! Believe in your strength!
- Do you think I can?
- Certainly! I don't doubt you at all!
I have heard of a psychologist who was such a busy man and had so many patients that it was difficult for him to have personal contact with everyone. Therefore, he put his own tape recorder on individual patients, and the tape recorder said everything that the psychologist wanted to say to this patient.
Once it happened that an appointment was made for a patient who was a very rich man. The psychologist entered the hotel. Suddenly he saw a patient sitting there and said, "What are you doing here? Now is your time to be with me."
The patient said: “I am so busy that I have recorded my words on my tape recorder. Now two tape recorders are talking to each other. Everything that you wanted to tell me, my tape recorder will record, and what I wanted to tell you, your tape recorder will record from my tape recorder. It saves time, and we're both free."
Visitor at the psychologist:
- What should I do? I come home - my wife has an outsider. I just want to raise a scandal, and my wife says to me:
"Go to the kitchen, calm down, have some coffee." And so every day.
The psychologist shrugs his shoulders in bewilderment.
- So what do you want from me?
- I just wanted to know if I drink too much coffee?
The psychologist says to the patient:
- You are perfectly healthy. I would only recommend that you spend more time outdoors and dress warmer in winter.
At home, her husband asked her what the psychologist had said.
- He recommended me a vacation at sea in the summer, and a mink coat in the winter.
A psychologist is a person who observes the men present when a beautiful woman enters the room.
A psychologist talks with a parent about raising her son:
- You bring him up too strictly.
- Why?
When I asked him his name, he replied
- Kolya Stop it.
A psychologist meets with a friend. He complains about his uncle's illness. The psychologist asks to tell all the symptoms, and after listening, he says:
- Your uncle is not sick. He only thinks he is sick.
They meet in a week, the psychologist asks:
- Well, how is your uncle?
"Now my uncle thinks he's dead..."
A young psychologist addresses his senior colleague:
- Tell me, how do you manage to save so much strength and energy? After all, you have so many patients, each with their own problems, and everyone needs to be listened to?
- Who listens to them?
A client comes to the psychologist, sits on the couch and is silent. The psychologist is patiently waiting. An hour passes. The client silently gets up, leaves $100 and leaves. The next day, the picture repeats, and so several times ...
A week later, the psychologist can not stand:
- Can you still tell me what's bothering you?
- Wife ... She does not stop talking for a minute. And it's so good here, it's quiet.
Two psychologists meet and one says to the other:
- I heard you just got married...
- Yes.
- So how is it?
Come visit me and you'll see.
He came to visit, sat a little, drank a glass. Guest and says:
"I'm sorry, of course, it's none of my business..."
- Yes, I know, I know. She's not pretty, she's not smart, she's not rich, she can't cook, she's nothing...
- But then why?!
- Oh, if I knew what dreams she had!
Psychologist: I strictly told you that you can drink no more than one hundred grams a day!
Client: Yeah, what do you think, I'm the only one treating you?
Two friends meet.
- How are you? I remember you had incontinence at night!
- I've been to a psychologist, it's better!
- What, the incontinence has passed?
- No! But now I'm proud of it!
At the psychologist's office:
- Help, doctor! This nightmare job will drive me crazy! Every day I come home squeezed out like a rag.
- And what do you actually do?
- Well, I'm sitting in a warehouse, in front of me is a chute and three boxes. Oranges roll down the chute, and I have to arrange them in boxes: large ones in the first, medium ones in the second, and small ones in the third.
- Something, I don’t quite understand, it seems that your work is not very difficult?
“Ah, doctor, but this terrible problem of permanent choice!
What is parapsychology?
- This is when you go into the office, and there are two psychologists sitting there.
At the reception with a psychologist.
- You say you have only minuses in life?
- Yes.
“Then hold out your hand, palm up.
- Yes.
- Bend your middle finger and look through it at all your cons.
- Doctor! You saved me! I see the benefits!
The loser comes to the psychologist:
- Things are moving! Today I dropped a sandwich and it fell butter up!
The psychologist takes a sandwich from the patient's hands, studies it for a long time and says:
- No, my friend, you just smeared it on the wrong side.
The psychologist confidentially tells the client:
- Understand and believe me: alcohol breaks family life!
The client, obviously perking up:
- Excuse me, but how much exactly do you need to drink for this?
Psychologist: What's wrong with you?
Patient (raising hands to the sky): How do you like it? He studied for 5 years and asks me for my diagnosis.
A client at a psychologist's appointment:
- Help! I have very difficult and difficult problems in my life.
- Yes, I'm listening to you. Let's try to figure them out.
You see, no one loves me. I try my best to get the favor of others - and all in vain. I tried my best, I used various methods, I tried - all in vain. You are my last hope. I went to you and thought: "Maybe you can help me, you nasty old man?"
The psychologist says to his colleague:
- IN Soviet times I called smart kids smart and stupid kids stupid. The stupid ones got offended.
- And now?
- Now I say that all children are smart.
- And what?
- Clever offended!
At the psychologist:
- So, you really suffer from indecision?
- Well, yes and no.
Two psychologists are talking:
- I ask every client if he knows how to play chess.
- For what?
- If he doesn’t play, I advise you to play, if he plays, I advise you not to play.
- Why?
- I don't know, but it helps 100%.
Two psychologists leave work and wait for the bus at the bus stop. Five minutes passed and there was no bus. Ten, twenty, twenty-five minutes - the bus does not appear. One psychologist, glancing at his watch, turns to another:
- I think the bus is delayed.
The second psychologist, looking intently at a colleague:
- Do you want to talk about it?
Psychologist meets colleague:
- That's it, from this day on, don't take a drop of alcohol in your mouth anymore.
-?!
-Yesterday after the banquet, I went into the office, and there was a client... I looked at him and realized that the guy had serious problems... I talked with him, helped him to look at the situation in a new way. As soon as I finished my consultation with him, the duty officer came into the office and asked who I was talking to and why I sat down in front of the mirror.
Two psychologists meet. One to the other: Well, how are you doing, I know, but how am I?
A woman comes to a psychologist:
- My husband has not worked for two years. Drinking, hitting, walking. And recently, in general, he left home for his mistress. Doctor, how can I get it back?
A man in a good suit comes into the psychologist's office, vermicelli hanging from his ears, traces of flour on his jacket, a saucepan on his head.
- So, - says the psychologist, looking at the patient intently, - and what worries us?
- The state of mind of my wife.
They knock on the psychologist's office. The psychologist opens - there is a skeleton on the threshold.
- This is how it always is, - the psychologist exclaims in the hearts. - They always make it to the last minute before turning to a specialist!
A man comes to a psychologist and says:
- Everything in my life is good, but there are not enough thrills, how can I get more of them? I have already tried everything, and jumped with a parachute, and dived with scuba gear, etc. Want something new.
Psychologist says:
- Get yourself a mistress.
- I have three of them, - the man answers, - does not help.
- Then tell your wife about them.
Expensive! the wife turns to her husband. - The psychologist advised me to travel. Where are we going?
- To another psychologist.
At the psychologist:
“No one understands me lately.
- In terms of?
The patient called his psychologist to make an appointment.
- Excuse me, - answered the duty officer, - we will be able to receive you only after two weeks.
- But by that time I may die.
- No problems. If your wife notifies us, we will cancel the appointment.
Businessman psychologist:
- Remember, last summer you advised: to get distracted from work, you need to have fun?
- Yes.
When will I finally be able to get back to work?
Evening, sea, deserted beach. Two psychologists are resting, drinking beer. Hear the cry of a drowning man:
- Help! Tonu!
One psychologist says:
- The man seems to have a problem.
The second answers him:
- Yes, but the main thing is that he is already talking about her.
Lecture by professor of psychology:
- Colleagues, remember the two golden rules of psychotherapy! Rule one. Minor anxieties are nothing. Rule two. All worries are minor.
The psychologist comes home, opens the refrigerator, and there - a little son is sitting. The therapist asks:
- Son, you must be cold here?
“Yes,” the boy replies.
- Well, stay with it ... - the therapist says and closes the refrigerator door.
The plumber finished installing the sink in the psychologist's office.
- I finished. Five thousand rubles from you.
- You need money?
- Yes.
- Do you want to talk about it?
A woman asks a psychologist for advice:
- My 16-year-old son is so addicted to the computer that he even sleeps next to it. How to wean him?
- Very simple! Beer, vodka, cigarettes.
A patient comes to a psychologist complaining of an inferiority complex.
After detailed questioning, the psychologist says:
- I can reassure you - you have no complex. You are truly inferior.
The inscription on the psychologist's door:
Nothing decorates a person like friendship with one's own head!
In the psychologist's office, the doctor asks the patient:
Why did you decide to commit suicide?
- I'm bored with life.
- Do you think that suicide will cheer you up?
A person comes to a psychologist.
- Doctor, I have persecution mania!
- Yes? And what does it express?
- It always seems to me that they are chasing me and trying to grab me.
- How long have you had it?
- Yes, since he escaped from prison.
There goes the woman I love, says the psychologist to his friend.
"So why don't you marry her?"
- For financial reasons. She is my best patient.
The boy at the psychologist:
- I'm afraid of Carlson.
- Why?
- Because he will fly in, eat everything tasty, break all the toys and then fly away, and I will get it.
A man comes to a psychologist, and he is a little deaf.
Man: Doctor, everything makes me nervous.
Psychologist: Excuse me, what did you say?
Man (angrily): Don't make me angry!
At the psychologist's appointment:
- Doctor, I sleep very badly: when I lie down to sleep, a thousand different thoughts immediately come to mind.
- Well, I can recommend that you drink a glass of turpentine at night.
- And what, I'll sleep well right away?
- No, but you will have only one thought.
A man came to a psychologist:
- Doctor, everything is bad with me: I have no health, no money, no one loves me ...
- Well, my friend, now we'll fix it. Sit comfortably, close your eyes and repeat after me: I'm fine, I'm healthy, rich and prosperous. I love and are loved.
The man opens his eyes
- How I envy you, doctor.
One psychologist to another:
– Before helping a client solve his problem, you need to take the time to find out what exactly he wants, and then sometimes also to explain it to him!
A man complains to a psychologist:
- I'm talking about my wife, doctor. She has an obsession that someone is trying to steal her dresses.
- Are you sure about that?
- Absolutely. She hired a special person to guard them. I found it yesterday in a wardrobe.
A man comes to a psychologist and says:
- Doctor, something is wrong with me. I can't do anything around the house. Examine me and tell me in plain language, what is wrong with me?!
Psychologist:
- understandable language it's called laziness!
Man:
“Now tell me, please, in Latin, so that I can tell my wife!”
A married couple at a psychologist's appointment.
Husband:
- Doctor... this one here, what's her name... in short, she complains that I pay little attention to her!
A husband complains about his wife to a psychologist:
- She keeps a diary in which she records all the deeds and actions, down to the smallest details!
- So what? Many wives keep diaries. There is nothing unusual about this.
- Yes, but mine leads him a week ahead!
Your own psychologist is like your own dentist.
Painful, uncomfortable and fraught with complications.
Psychologist:
- In vain you complain of an inferiority complex. On the contrary, you are extremely adequate in assessing your capabilities.
Client:
- How much does your appointment cost?
Psychologist:
- Expensive.
- And for especially interesting cases?
- For $300 an hour I'm interested in all cases.
The horse comes to the psychologist.
Psychologist:
- More fun, why is the face so long?!
I came to a psychologist, there are four chairs in front of him, and he says to me:
- Sit on the middle one.
- Well, which one of us is crazy here?
Three clients are sitting in front of the psychologist's office, wondering who came here for what. One says:
- My father heard me talking in my sleep, he said: son, go to a psychologist.
Another:
- I do not have a relationship with my wife, my mother says: go to a psychologist.
Third:
Both of my parents are psychologists.
KVN: "PSYCHOLOGY - IS IT SERIOUS?!"
Members - students. Teams of 7 to 9 people. Competitions are also held with fans.
Tools: paper, pens, colored pencils or markers.
Idea holding competitions (KVN) - with the help of a team game f shaping the general mood of an optimistic tone in the corpus, stimulating interest in psychological knowledge.
Target: Formation of ideas about the importance of psychological science as one of the components of human knowledge andcommunionTopsychologicalculture.
Tasks:
Increasing students' interest in the study of psychology and themselves.
Development of group interaction skills, the ability to reckon with the views of others, to feel the group and its individual members.
To develop a desire to be a close-knit team, to come to mutual assistance in difficult times.
develop in yourself creative potential and outlook.
Create conditions for self-expression.
Scenario.
Contests
Host: Hello guys. I am glad to see you at our event - psychological KVN
So, we present you 2 teams that will show how sociable, creative, and united they are in competitive competitions.
Allow me to introduce you to the irreplaceable jury for tonight:
1) a person with a firm outlook on life - Saranchina I.A.;
2) a person with inexhaustible creativity - Istomina E.A.
3) a wonderful person with an open soul and a warm heart;
4) charming and attractive.
Host: The first impression of a person is always very important for establishing contact with him. Often it determines all our further relationships with this person. Let's see what first impression our teams will make on each other, on the jury, on the spectators.
Exercise: the theme of the greeting is "WE". Participants will have to name their team, greet each other, the jury and give 5 short answers: "We are...". (The competition is estimated at 3 points).
While our teams are preparing, we will hold a competition for our guests and fans.
1. A game of attention, logic and ingenuity.
The man got caught in the rain, and he had nowhere and nothing to hide. He came home all wet, but not a single hair on his head got wet. Why?
He is bald.
The 12-storey building has an elevator. Only 2 people live on the ground floor, from floor to floor the number of residents doubles. Which button in the elevator of this house is pressed more often than others.
1st floor button.
What notes can be used to measure distance?
MI LA.
What sign should be put between the numbers 4 and 5 so that the result is more than four, but less than five.
Comma - 4.5.
Two walkers stopped near one object and argued. One said, "It's red." The second objected: "No, it's black." "Why is she white?" - asked the first. "Because it's green."
Berry.
There were three flies on the table. One of them got slammed.
How many flies are left on the table.
One (slammed).
Find me game (smart games)
For the competition, you will need to prepare as many leaves as the person is present. Each person writes a description of their appearance on a piece of paper, for example, plump lips, beautiful eyes, a brilliant smile, a mole on the cheek. Then all these leaves are folded into a hat or box. They take out the leaves one by one and try to guess who is described on this leaflet. To get interested in guessing, we can say that the one who guesses the most wins. Each person can name only one option. If someone has already offered a variant, who is described on this leaflet, then he cannot name the second time.
Game "Broken Phone"
Introduction: Misunderstandings often appear in life. Everyone understands simple things differently.
You choose five people from the hall, four of them leave the room. Give the fifth text: “My father had 3 sons. The older one was smart, the middle one was so-so, the younger son was out of his mind. He must show this text without words to the fourth person, then to the third, that to the second, and then to the first. Then, starting with the very last person, you ask what the text of the story was about. Very funny!
When cosmonaut Leonov first went into outer space, he broke away from the ship and began to rotate and could not do anything, since in outer space he had nothing to push off from. Then he nevertheless caught the cable, but then he faced a new problem: his spacesuit inflated in open space, and he could not squeeze back into the ship. He did it by force.
The Chukchi, who moved to the city, writes a letter to his homeland: “Hello, brother! I write slowly because remember that you can't read fast. I'm fine. In the house where I settled, there is a washing machine, only a strange one, however. I loaded it with clothes, pulled the chain... and the seething began. And suddenly everything disappeared. This week the weather is good - it rained only twice: first three days, then four days. My wife will have a baby soon, but we still don't know if it's a boy or a girl, so it's not clear yet whether you'll become an uncle or an aunt. Goodbye, your older brother.
P.S. I wanted to send you some money in a letter, but I already sealed the envelope.”
Competition "Where am I"
The participant is seated with his back to everyone, and a sign with pre-prepared inscriptions is fixed on his back. The inscriptions can be very different: "Toilet". “Shop”, “Sobering-up station”, “Maternity hospital”, etc. The rest of the observers ask him various questions, such as: “Why do you go there, how often, etc.” The player must, without knowing what is written on the plate, answer these questions.
Thanks to everyone for the humor, and the originality with which you approached solving the tasks! Now for the team scores.
The jury evaluates the teams after the performance of the 2nd team.
The jury shows emoticons.
What is the most important thing in communication?
Well, firstly, you need to win over the interlocutor, so that he would be pleased to talk to you.
And what needs to be done for this?
To do this, you need to master the art of making complements, to be able to say something pleasant to a person. And let's see how well our teams master it (captains competition).
Exercise. Captains competition"Compliments - a laudatory word - to the opponent and his team." Time 3 min. No preparation.
Competition "We are a friendly team"
Main indicator teams - its cohesion. Your task: to organize as quickly as possible to complete the task, which is fixed on the card.
1. The team is built on growth;
2. The team is built according to hair color: from light to dark;
3. The team is built on the names arranged in alphabetical order.
4. The team is based on the date of birth, including the month and day.
Evaluation criteria - the speed of the task. The competition is evaluated on a 5 point system.
Estimated– quantity, creativity, materiality. 3 points.
Yes compliments This is good.
(thoughtful ) I want to tell you a secret - it happens - that you begin to express yourself ... .. in verse.
This is cool. After all, this means that you can think outside the box.
Interesting. Are our teams creative?
And we will find out now.
Exercise. Creative "Sochinyalochka".
Instructions: words are offered to you. Within 5 minutes you have to come up with a poem with these words.
student, lunch, mood, communication, feeling, art, psychology, cheers, game, and for whom it is easy, well done.
While our teams are engaged in poetry, poetry, we offer you a competition for creativity.
Hall work.
And now we offer a game with guests and fans.
Instruction: while the teams are preparing, you need to name a real non-standard way to use the item that we will show you. (Newspaper, pencil).
Evaluation: whoever calls last - we give him a smiley.
And you know, psychologists say that in communication only 7% of information is transmitted through words, and we receive the rest of the information through gestures, postures, facial expressions, through intonation, voice timbre.
Is it true?
Yes. Now our teams will demonstrate it to you.
Task 4.
Instruction : you need to use gestures, facial expressions to depict the action or object that is given. Each team will have 3 guesses.
Option 3 - a gift to the opposing team.
Option 2 - the situation: students in the dining room, students at the lesson, students at recess, students at the last couple.
Impromptu task: it is necessary for teams, if they wish, to depict the following situations: students living in a hostel came for dinner; you were told that the temporary restrictions on arrival at the hostel have been lifted.
Action - surprise "Wishes", draw out a wish as a keepsake, it will come true!
Conclusion:
Now I understand everything!!! Yes, you were right - psychology is serious!!!
Are you serious!!???
Yes!
And I think it's fun!
Presenters: Well, now let's sum up. Introducing the jury:
The jury sums up: awards prizes to teams, as well as prizes in nominations:
The funniest member
The calmest member
We didn't expect this from you.
You are our support (the one who often rescued the team)
And:
Most active supporter
The noisiest fan
Fighter for justice.
